Funny Quotes From How I Met Your Mother, Boston Legal and More

by Jason the TVaholic on March 5, 2006

in Say It Again, Top Lists

Here are a few funny lines that made the TVaholic laugh during the week of February 26th, 2006 on TV. With the Winter Olympics over the schedule got back to a little normalcy. Most everything was new and I watched most of it. So here are some funny quotes from How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, Scrubs and Boston Legal. Lots of TV was watched, many lines were delivered and these are the ones that stood out. Read on for a little laugh. Enjoy!

Dialogue of the Week

Show: How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Episode: Game Night
The Setup: The group is having a game night and it will be the first time Victoria, Ted’s new girlfriend, will be hanging out with the whole gang. Ted wants to make sure that everything goes well.
Ted: OK, I want to lay down some ground rules for tonight. Barney, I actually like Victoria, a lot. So, don’t say anything embarrass… Don’t say anything! (Marshall and Lily laugh) And Guys I haven’t exactly told Victoria that I used to have a kind of thing for Robin.
Barney: Well. Well. Well. (Rubbing his chin fiendishly) How Rich. You make me promise to be on my best around your girlfriend, yet you have been lying to her since day one. Excuse me. (Reaches into his suit for his cell phone and pretends to make a call) Hi, Leg Warehouse. Yah, my friend Ted needs something to stand on…

More Funny Bits of Dialogue

Show: Two and a Half Men (CBS)
Episode: My Tongue is Meat
The Setup: Mia has been making Charlie eat better and exercise more and they have just come back from a run. Jake meanwhile has been telling his dad about his thoughts on the death penalty at the breakfast table and how his food choice could be used to prolong his last meal. Mia hands Charlie a health shake and leaves the kitchen.
Alan: What’s in that?
Charlie: I don’t know. Vitamins. Minerals. Protein. Whatever it is, it’s flushing out stuff I ate in high school.
Jake: Hey, do you think they let you have a last poop after your last meal?
Charlie: What?
Jake: Cause as long as you’re sitting on the can, technically you’re still poopin and they gotta wait.
Alan: Go get dressed.
Jake: (As he leaves the kitchen) If they made you hold one in that would be cruel and unusual punishment.

Show: Scrubs (NBC)
Episode: My Buddy’s Booty
The Setup: J.D. and Elliot are looking to hook up with one of the interns at the hospital. They round them up in a room and go in to make their choices.
Elliot: J.D. I really don’t want to do this. Can’t we just go home, put on are pj’s and watch Grey’s Anatomy?
J.D.: Oh, I do love that show. It’s like they’ve been watching are lives and then just put it on TV.
Elliot: Huh, yah.
J.D.: Mmm.

Show: Boston Legal (ABC)
Episode: … There’s Fire
The Setup: Denny Crane, played by William Shatner, has just married Bev. Her realtor comes over to them and starts talking about homes on the big island of Hawaii they might be interested in.
Denny: I didn’t know we were in the market for a second home.
Bev: Ohh. Hohoho. Well actually darling when you see the Kona coast you may be thinking of first homes.
Denny: What Am I supposed to do, beam myself to Boston every morning?

What were your favorite lines recently?

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