Funny Quotes From CSI, House and Bones

by Jason the TVaholic on March 11, 2006

in Say It Again, Top Lists

There isn’t anything on TV much better than a well-delivered line, some witty banter or engaging dialogue. TVaholic enjoys these bits of TV show humor. Whether they are uttered in a drama or sitcom doesn’t matter. You just want them to say it again or be something you can use yourself in daily conversation. So what made us laugh this week? A little TV commentary from Gil Grissom, Dr. House redoes a 60s slogan and Agent Booth gives us a little jurisdictional humor. What did you find funny this past week? Well here are the funny TV quotes from the week of March 5th, 2006. Read on for a little laugh. Enjoy!

Dialogue of the Week

Show: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS)
Episode: I Like to Watch
The Setup: A reality TV show is going to be following the team around as they work a case. Grissom and Catherine are walking into a building where the crime took place in an apartment on the 11th floor.
Grissom: Video cameras. That’s good for us.
Catherine: Yah, vic probably thought it was good for her too.
(Cameraman and boom mic come around on Grissom and Catherine)
Producer: Excuse me. Hi. Can you identify yourself for the camera please? Just gotta look right into the lens.
Grissom: What is this?!
Catherine: Cphh. We got that memo, they’re Hard Crime.
Producer: That’s us. We put the people who look into the microscopes onto the microscopes.
Catherine: (Quietly to Grissom as they get on the elevator) Right, they say it’s good PR for the department. Try not to bust their chops, OK.
Producer: Ever see the show? It’s got a lot of forensics.
Grissom: (As the elevator doors close) Too many forensics shows on TV.

More Funny TV Show Quotes

Show: House (FOX)
Episode: Sex Kills
The Setup: A kid has come into the clinic to try and get a doctor to prescribe him some medication to damp down his sex drive. He is reluctant to say why he needs them. Dr. House says he is going to leave and since the guy is going to finally come clean as he is almost out the door anyway, he might as well just say it now and save all the walking. He does give House a reason which we later find out is just his outlandish cover for his real reason. That being that he has a really hot stepmother that is barely older than him and runs around the house practically naked all the time. He just needs something for the next three months until school is over and he can move out. So what did he tell him?
Patient: I love cows!
House: (Popping a couple of pain pills) Any particular variety? Guernseys? Holsteins?
Patient: Which are the black and white ones?
House: Oh, guy.
Patient: I pass a farm on my way to school and they’re so beautiful, so majestic. I dream about them. Leather shoes. Hamburgers. How can anybody do that to a cow?
House: Make love, not belts. Beautiful.

Show: Bones (FOX)
Episode: The Man on the Fairway
The Setup: Brennan and her team have been called in to investigate a plane crash on a golf course. While searching the surroundings of the wreckage they come a cross some bone fragments that are not burnt like the rest of the plane and passengers. She wants to know what they are doing there and where they came from but have been told by her boss that the plane and who was on is of priority. So Brennan calls in Agent Booth to see if he will help investigate the bone fragments.
Booth: ‘Kay, and I’m here why?
Brennan: Dismemberment, little bits, it’s a murder.
Booth: Ah, FBI doesn’t have jurisdiction at a golf course.
Brennan: Well, who does?
Booth: I don’t know try the PGA!

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