Saturday Night Live: Matt Dillon

by Jason the TVaholic on March 14, 2006

in Late Night, TV Talk

Crash (2-Disc Director's Cut Edition)I missed Natalie Portman last week but read that I didn’t miss much. I wish that I would of missed this episode of Saturday Night Live though as it was really BAD. The host this week was Academy Award nominated actor Matt Dillon. He was nominated for his performance as a racist cop in the movie Crash. The musical guest was the Arctic Monkeys.

So What About the Show

Show Opening: The show opened with a sketch about four girls at the Akron-Canton Airport talking about their plans for Spring Break. They mention things like drinking and smoking pot and such. The whole thing is supposed to be a setup for the ending where the punchline is that one of the girls’ parents have been sitting there the whole time and when their flight is called they stand up tell the girls to have fun on their trip. This would have been semi-humorous except for the attempt at a joke about one of the girls having a friend that went missing on an island and how cool that was. They even high-five each other over it. They completely lost me at this point. I know this show tries to push the envelope so-to-speak but all that popped into my head was Natalee Holloway and how I don’t think that any of her friends are giving each other high fives over her disappearance. This was one of the worst things I have seen on TV in a long time. I can’t imagine what the writers were thinking.

Matt Dillon Monologue: He gives his acceptance speech that he was not able to give at the Oscars because he didn’t win. His character was racist and his speech was meant to show that it was only his character and not himself. So he goes on to make stereotypical remarks about different races and people in his mock speech. It was semi-humorous for a bit but then as they seem to like to do lately on SNL they went to far. It ran on to long. It was like we must take a jab at everyone or it wouldn’t be fair or something. But he went on and on and on and it got less funny as he did.

Prisonmate.net: Advertisement for an online dating service for women to find men that they will always know where they are. It was kind of funny but not great like the Me-Harmony.com spoof they did last season.

SportsCenter: A spoof of Dan Patrick and Stuart Scott. Finesse Mitchell’s Stuart Scott was good. Kenan Thompson as Barry Bonds was pretty funny especially when he put his hands up to the camera and they were huge. Matt Dillon played the man who gave Bonds the steroids. Showing the before and after photos of the two of them was pretty good. Solid sketch, probably the best of the night but that isn’t saying much.

SNL Digital Short: Dopple Ganger. Seth, Andy and Will. They point out people that look exactly like each other. They find Will but he has a mustache. Then they find Seth but he is wearing a big top hat. Then they see Horatio and they say he looks like Andy. Andy says he looks like the guy with the green bandana. They say Horatio looks like him except for his red gloves. Andy goes over and takes of the gloves and then Seth and Will say they can’t tell them apart and pulls a gun saying he doesn’t know which one to shoot. Andy doesn’t know why he needs to shoot anyone. Seth is telling him to take the shot. You hear a shot and then see the three sitting together again except it is Horatio instead of Andy. Will admit he shot the wrong one. It ranks right up there with the Lettuce Digital Short, kind of amusing but not all that funny.

2 A-Holes at a Travel Agency: If you like awkward silences and long drawn out sketches of a one note variety then this is the sketch for you. When the characters had long pauses between lines of dialogue it was the only time you heard any audience laughter and it was that uncomfortable type of laughing not because it was funny. The only funny line was when she said she wanted to go to Hogwarts.

Sushi Bar: Matt Dillon plays a guy that has written a book about ordering properly in a Sushi restaurant. It was just Matt saying Japanese words to order and the waitress looking at him like he was an idiot.

J. J. Casuals Commercial: Feet that look like shoes. Replay of a not that funny bit to begin with.

Joplin Alive Video Podcast: All I can say is Jared’s Room it was not.

Weekend Update: As usual it was the best part of the show except for the two guests. The joke about Osama bin Laden’s niece, Wafah Dufour, getting her own reality show called “Skating with Neices of Terrorists” and Wal-Mart reversing a decision on carrying a contraceptive pill “when they thought for a second about who shops at Wal-Mart.” Read more at Weekend Update Quotables on the NBC Saturday Night Live site.

TV Land 1961 Variety Vault: Bill Hader does a great Vincent Price impersonation and Kristen Wiig does a good Katharine Hepburn but the sketch as a whole is not all that funny. Darrel Hammond even showed up as Barney Fife.

Taping of a Relaxation Tape: About what you would expect, two professionals with soothing voices and then Matt Dillon with a hard gruff voice, which stands out from the rest. It was pretty bland.

Appalachian Emergency Room: Filler. That is what this must be. The writers sit around and go well we can’t think up anymore funny stuff, not that they have been doing much of that recently, and decide to through another one of these out there. Pretty week. Tyler ended up being a walking rainstick.

Unicorn Salesmen: Two guys sell unicorns like used cars. It was clever but wasn’t too funny. The mini unicorn was pretty cute but that was about it. Overall it wasn’t bad for the final sketch of the night.

Overall: The show was really bad from start to finish. The Digital Short has been the best thing about this season but also shows that they all can’t be good and they run the risk of taking something good and ruining it with over exposure. Also Appalachian ER and 2 A-Holes need to be retired. One had a good run and the other needs to be put out of its misery before we have to suffer any more of are own trying to watch it.

What About the Music

Arctic Monkeys: Whatever People Say I Am Thats What I Am NotThe musical guest was the Arctic Monkeys. They were OK. They are supposed to be the next big thing musically speaking. While I thought their guitar play was great in the opening and closing of each song, the songs and the singing didn’t really do it for me. Do you like the Arctic Monkeys? Did you enjoy their performance on SNL?

What did you think of this week’s Saturday Night Live? What did you think of Matt Dillon as host? What would you do to make the show better? Let us know in the comments.

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