This was a good week for those that like a well-delivered line or a funny bit of dialogue. So, what funny lines of dialogue left you chuckling last week? Well, here is a listing of the funny quotes from the week of March 19th, 2006 that made the TVaholic laugh. Read on and enjoy!

Dialogue of the Week

Show: Two and a Half Men (CBS)
Episode: The Spit-Covered Cobbler
The Setup: Alan’s not so bright young girlfriend, Candy, is brushing her teeth.
Candy: Ouch!
Alan: What?
Candy: One of my teeth hurts when I brush it.
Alan: Oh, when was the last time you saw a dentist?
Candy: Alan, I see people all the time. They don’t always tell you what they do.

More Funny TV Quotes

Show: My Name Is Earl (NBC)
Episode: Y2K
The Setup: Earl and the gang used to rob people at Christmas time by distracting them with caroling while Earl would sneak in the back and take the presents from under the tree. They are sitting around the table opening them.
Joy: If this is another damn thesaurus, I’m going to track down those dumb, stupid … dumb people and teach them how to buy a proper gift.

Show: The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS)
Episode: Open Water
The Setup: Christine is talking with her friend Barb about her social life. Barb wants to set her up on a date. She wants …
Christine: … If I meet somebody. I want it to be spontaneous, you know. I want the spark. I want the magic, you know.
Barb: How’s that working out for you?
Christine: (eating a bagel) Pretty good.
Barb: Look sweetie, you spend all your time at Richie’s school. You live with your brother and you own a woman’s gym. You need a wand and a rabbit to make magic happen there.

Show: Veronica Mars (UPN)
Episode: The Quick and the Wed
The Setup: Logan is discussing his up coming trial with his attorney, Cliff. Cliff tells him that a date has been set and Logan makes a glib comment regarding what he should wear that day. Cliff tells him of a plea deal that he thinks he should take.
Logan: No deal.
Cliff: Well, if it helps you decide on your wardrobe, I’ll be wearing an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt.

Show: Scrubs (NBC)
Episode: My Extra Mile
The Setup: There are 10 surgical residents and only three jobs for next year. All the surgical residents have been kissing up to Dr. Kelso hoping to get one of those spots. Dr. Kelso walks into the cafeteria and makes an announcement.
Dr. Kelso: Attention surgical residents still hoping to have a job next year! The annual blood drive is upon us. And I will be needing a volunteer to greet our donors as the hospital’s new mascot, the friendly hypodermic needle, Mr. Prick. (silent pause) We’ll probably change the name.

Show: Living With Fran (WB)
Episode: Reuniting With Fran
The Setup: Fran played by Fran Drescher has broken up with Riley. Riley and his friend Danny have gone to Fran’s place to get his drill. Riley leaves to get it and Danny and Fran talk.
Fran: How’s he really doing?
Danny: He’s a basket case. He watched a rerun of The Nanny and he got all sad cause she reminded him of you.
Fran: That is sweet, but her voice.

The NCAA Men’s Tournament has been spectacular. Well except for my Huskies losing to those other Huskies on Friday. More teams have come from behind to win or push the game to overtime than I can ever remember seeing before. Yesterday in the Texas versus LSU game was one of the most spectacular 20 seconds of hustle and scrambling by both teams ending in a game tying shot for Texas. This has been a great tournament so far. Hopefully we will see two more good games today. What have you thought of the NCAA Men’s Tournament so far?

Prime Picks

The West Wing (NBC): Toby is pressed by the Attorney General to give up his source of information regarding the shuttle leak.

Desperate Housewives (ABC): Bree joins AA to foil her son’s attempt to extort her. Susan introduces Dr. Ron to Carl now that he knows of their arrangement. Gaby and Carlos look for just the right woman to adopt a baby from.

Crossing Jordan (NBC): The team isn’t sure whether a young girl just found her father or had something to do with it.

Solid Selections

Cold Case (CBS): The battle of the sexes is looked at when new evidence comes to light about a 1973 murder involving a female tennis player’s murder. She had played a man and won and soon after was found dead.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC): Goren and Eames investigate a case involving a man who was killed while trying to steal some evidence that is part of a lawsuit.

Grey’s Anatomy (ABC): Decisions, decisions, decisions. Repeat where Meredith awaits Derek’s decision regarding them and the surgeon have to decide on who has the best chance of living as to patients are stuck together by a pole after a train accident.

Other Options

The Simpsons (FOX): The family wins a trip to the Fox Studios after Marge enters a contest.
The War at Home (FOX): An attractive saleswoman hits on Dave leaving him to believe that he is still a catch.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS): Repeat where they investigate a case at a convention for overweight people.

Without a Trace (CBS): Repeat where Martin witnesses a boy get kidnapped and the fact that he was not able to stop it causes him trouble during the investigation.

Cable Choices

The Next Food Network Star (Food Network): Repeat of the second episode with the contestants getting show tips from Rachael Ray and the first episode plays right before this one.

The Next Food Network Star (Food Network): New episode where another elimination is made at the end of the show. The first three episodes are repeated again an hour after this showing ends.

The Shield (FX): Repeat of Postpartum the season finale from last week. Runs 90 minutes.

Sports Notes

ABC has some NBA action with the Philadelphia 76ers at the Indiana Pacers followed by some IndyCar Racing with the Toyota Indy 300 from Homestead, FL. NBC has final round coverage of The Players Championship golf tournament with Sergio Garcia just one shot back of the lead. CBS has the final two Elite 8 games from the NCAA Men’s Tournament to see which two teams complete the Final Four. FOX has NASCAR with the Food City 500 from Bristol, TN. ESPN has an NCAA Women’s Tournament game followed by PBA bowling followed by figure skating followed by the New Jersey Nets at the Detroit Pistons for some more NBA action. ESPN2 has a NCAA Women’s Tournament game followed by tennis followed by two more NCAA Women’s Tournament games.

The best thing on today is the NCAA Tournament games. The best thing on the tube tonight is Hustle. Saturday is such a television wasteland. Good thing I have a few things recorded from earlier in the week if I get a hankering for some TV watching tonight. What will you be watching?

Prime Picks

Dateline NBC (NBC): NBC News investigative reporting.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC): An 8-year-old girl gets kidnapped on the way home from her school and a DNA test on blood found in the abandoned van of the kidnapper reveals she has leukemia.

Conviction (NBC): Repeat of last night’s episode. This is a decent show with just a few too many characters and thus storylines to try and keep up with.

Solid Selections

Signs (ABC): Two commercially interrupted hours of crop circles and Mel Gibson trying to figure out where they came from.

The Evidence (ABC): Repeat of the series premiere. The buddy cop thing has been done before and these two (Rob Estes, Orlando Jones) could be pretty good. The show just jumped around a bit too much and didn’t hook you with the opening of the evidence gimmick.

Other Options

Cops (FOX): Cops respond to a burglary and find the suspect hiding on the roof.
Cops (FOX): Repeat.

America’s Most Wanted: America Fights Back (FOX): The body of a woman beaten to death in 1954 is exhumed.

48 Hours Mystery (CBS): The Natalee Holloway case is looked at.

Cable Choices

Emeril Live (Food Network): Fruit desserts are prepared.

Trading Spaces (TLC): A living room is revamped and Hildi does her own carpentry.

Hustle (AMC): Stacie’s estranged husband is setup. Runs 75 minutes.

Sports Notes

CBS has the Division II college basketball tournament final game and then the first two games of the Elite Eight match ups from the NCAA Men’s Tournament. The winners go to the Final Four. NBC has third round coverage of the Players Championship golf tournament. FOX has NASCAR with the Sharpie Mini 300 from Bristol. ESPN has games from the NCAA Women’s Tournament and figure skating from the World Championships. ESPN2 has some tennis followed by more NCAA Women’s Tournament games.

Late Night

Saturday Night Live on NBC is a repeat with Steve Martin as host. MADtv is also a repeat with guest Jeff Garlin.

If you missed the debut of Heist on NBC on Wednesday night it will be on NBC and Bravo tonight. Doctor Who graces the Sci-Fi Channel tonight with a couple of episodes. I will be watching Connecticut and Washington play on CBS tonight. I can say right now that I guarantee that the Huskies will win. What will you be watching?

Prime Picks

College Basketball (CBS): Last night in the NCAA Tournament there were some unbelievable finishes. Could we see more tonight? Find out which four teams will fill the other half of the Elite 8.

Solid Selections

What I Like About You (WB): The ladies get trapped at the spa so Holly and Val try to use one of the horses to get out and make it to the ceremony on time.
Living With Fran (WB): Riley and Fran are asked to participate in a wedding.

Reba (WB): Reba ends up temporarily blind after laser surgery to fix her ailing eyesight.
Modern Men (WB): The second episode of this comedy with guys visiting a life coach for relationship help.

Conviction (NBC): A decent show with just a few too many characters and thus storylines to try and keep up with.

Other Options

No first hour other option tonight worth mentioning.

In Justice (ABC): The team tries to help someone out.

20/20 (ABC): ABC News investigative reporting.

Cable Choices

Best of Amusement Parks 2006 (Travel Channel): Get a look at the hottest amusement parks for your vacation in 2006.

What Not to Wear (TLC): A 37-year-old women gets some help with her wardrobe.

Log In for Love (TLC): Online daters are followed as they navigate the waters of dating online.

Sports Notes

ESPN has second round coverage of the Players Championship golf tournament early in the day and women’s figure skating at the World Championships from Calgary later on. ESPN2 has a new Friday Night Fights.