Funny TV Quotes from Veronica Mars, House & More

This past week in funny TV quote land Veronica Mars gives a shout out to Sherlock Holmes, while the Sherlock Holmes of medicine gives a nod to the hero on 24. So what quotes from last week got us laughing? The following funny show quotes are from the week of April 30th, 2006. Read on and enjoy!

TV Quote of the Week

Show: Veronica Mars (UPN)
Episode: Happy Go Lucky (Season 2)
The Setup: Wallace and Jackie sit down with Veronica while she is trying to study for finals. She needs to finish well to get the scholarship she needs to go to Stanford.
Veronica: …Do you know how long I’ve wanted to go to Stanford?
Wallace: Since middle school.
Veronica: Elementary, my dear Wallace.

Other Funny TV Quotes

Show: Two and a Half Men (CBS)
Episode: And the Plot Moistens (Season 3)
The Setup: Alan and Judith are meeting with Jake’s teacher about his lack of participation in school activities.
Teacher: Well, I was talking more about hobbies or extracurricular activities.
Judith: Well, I don’t know about his father but I’ve tried to share some of my interests with him.
Alan: Unfortunately he’s a little young to drink in the dark and bitch about men.

Show: House (FOX)
Episode: Euphoria – Part 2 (Season 2)
The Setup: House is arguing with Cuddy over her decision not to let him cut into the cop who died from the mysterious illness that Foreman is still suffering from and will soon die of also.
Cuddy: Don’t down play this House. You put both of them in isolation for a reason. Joe’s death elevates this situation to a Bio-Safety Level 3.
House: Ooh, level three. Should we call Jack Bauer?

Show: Teachers (NBC)
Episode: Prom (Season 1)
The Setup: Dick is talking to Calvin about his Senior Toast he is to give at the Prom. Calvin always sees the cup half full while Dick doesn’t even see the cup. Calvin has rewritten the toast and Dick doesn’t like all the positivism.
Dick: You know what do you got to sugarcoat everything for? You’re a black man, where’s your anger?
Calvin: I’m from Maine; my dad’s an optician, not that mad.

Show: The Office (NBC)
Episode: Conflict Resolution (Season 2)
The Setup: Photos are being taken for new ID badges to improve security at the office complex. Dwight is talking about how bad security is to the camera.
Dwight: ID badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

What were your favorite funny quotes from TV last week?

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Jason the TVaholic
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