Funny Boston Legal Quotes & More Funny TV Lines

by Jason the TVaholic on October 29, 2006

in Say It Again, Top Lists

The Quote of the Week last week was a funny Boston Legal quote from Denny Crane. Other funny lines were delivered this week as well. They include old friends reuniting on Veronica Mars, a studio tour aside, the wonderment of waffles and a conversation between uncle and nephew. These funny quotes were heard on TV during the week of Oct. 22nd, 2006. Read on and enjoy!

Quote of the Week

Show: Boston Legal (ABC)
Episode: The Verdict (Season 3)
The Setup: Alan and Denny are talking about the women they have been with recently. Denny has been worried about the onset of Alzheimer’s. He calls it Mad Cow. He thinks that it may be affecting other things as well.
Alan: Denny did you?
Denny: Paul asked me to repair relations with her.
Alan: So you had them?
Denny: Cheap, chubby sex in a witness room.
Alan: Ohh!
Denny: Obviously I didn’t satisfy her.
Alan: Denny have you lost your mind? (Denny looks away) What?
Denny: Nothing.
Alan: Denny we’re flamingos. Something going on?
Denny: (Taps his head with remote) Mad Cow. It hasn’t progressed in my brain but there are other symptoms. Be it blood pressure, it affects me.
Alan: It affects you how?
Denny: (Gets up and leans over desk) I think I have mad penis.

Other Funny Quotes

Show: Veronica Mars (The CW)
Episode: Charlie Don’t Surf (Season 3)
The Setup: Guest star Laura San Giacomo, who used to star with Enrico Colantoni on Just Shoot Me, plays Harmony. She wants to hire Enrico’s character Keith to find out if her husband is cheating on her. Her first scene is walking into Keith’s office.
Harmony: Hi. Um, I don’t have an appointment. Do you remember me, by any chance?

Show: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC)
Episode: The Wrap Party (Season 1)
The Setup: Tom’s parents have come to visit him. He is giving them a tour of the studio.
Tom: It began as a burlesque theater, called The Addison. And later I will show you where Gypsy Rose Lee signed her name on the wall backstage.
Tom’s Mom: What, the stripper?
Tom: The Stripper.
Tom’s Mom: Tommy, tell me you don’t go to those places.
Tom: I don’t.
Tom’s Mom: Because coming in here I saw this neighborhood.
Tom: I don’t mom. I like looking at naked women as much as anybody. I just don’t like it to be a crowd experience.
Tom’s Mom: I don’t like this talk.
Tom: I understand. Anyway…

Show: Two and a Half Men (CBS)
Episode: Apologies for the Frivolity (Season 4)
The Setup: Jake is giving his Uncle Charlie some advice about meeting the children of the woman he is dating.
Jake: All right but if they’re boys, just don’t call them little dudes, okay.
Charlie: Why not?
Jake: There’s this guy mom used to date and every time he would see me, he’d call me little dude. He was an idiot.
Charlie: Okay, okay, that’s good stuff. What else you got?
Jake: No lame magic tricks, no head rubbing and please no high fives.
Charlie: Got it.
Jake: And don’t ask, who wants ice cream? Everybody wants ice cream.
Charlie: I understand.
Jake: Even lactose intolerant kids want ice cream.
Charlie: Makes sense.
Jake: But whatever you do, don’t try to pretend your not sleeping with their mom. We’re not stupid.
Charlie: So, if I do this stuff, her kids will like me.
Jake: No.
Charlie: Why not?
Jake: You’re doing their mom.

Show: Heroes (NBC)
Episode: Hiro’s (Season 1)
The Setup: Ando and Hiro got jumped after Hiro used his powers to stop time and cheat a guy at poker in Las Vegas. They are dumped out on the side of the road near a diner. The following is from the subtitles as they were speaking Japanese the whole time.
Hiro: Wow… Good. I’m starving.
Ando: I’m not talking to you.
Hiro: (Walking into the diner): Do you think they have waffles?
Ando: I said I’m not talking to you. I can’t believe I got beat up because of you. I’ve never gotten beaten up before.
Hiro: I got punched too.
Ando: Once. They kept kicking me! My jaw is clicking, did it used to click?
Hiro: Let’s just eat then get the car back, okay?
Ando: This is all your fault, Hiro. All we had to do was stop time, and we would still have our money.
Hiro: My fault? We got beat up because you made us cheat at gambling. Using my powers for personal gain. That’s the Dark Side.
Ando: Not being broke is the Dark Side?
Hiro: (Opening the menu) Oh, waffles!

What funny Boston Legal quotes or other funny lines made you laugh last week?

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