So, what funny quotes have we heard this week? Well, we have an acknowledgement that the end is near on The O.C., Roy trying to impress Pam on The Office and a part of the male anatomy that figures into a couple of punch lines on How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men. These funny quotes are from the week of February 11th, 2007 and made the TVaholic laugh. How about you?

Funny Quote of the Week

Show: The O.C. (FOX)
Episode: The Night Moves (Season 4)
The Setup: This is the second to last episode of The O.C. and Ryan was hurt in the earthquake. Later, when Ryan wakes up in the hospital, Seth tells him that he had to donate blood.
Seth: The doctors say you are going to be fine. Although, you’re going to have to wrap your head around the fact that we are really brothers now. We’re blood brothers.
Ryan: You, donated blood?
Seth: Ahh, I had an extra few pints flowing through my veins. It was no big deal.
Ryan: Mmm, you’re not a big fan of needles.
Seth: Nor of fainting, it turns out. But, the bank was a little low and us O-negative guys got to stick together.
Ryan: Mmm, that’s weird, because all of a sudden I have this strange urge to listen to Death Cab and read comic books.
Seth: Really?
Ryan: No. I’m kidding.
Seth: Ahh, it’s too bad, cause if we could’ve turned this into a body swap comedy. We could’ve squeezed another year or two out of this.

More Funny TV Quotes

Show: The Office (NBC)
Episode: Business School (Season 3)
The Setup: Pam is displaying some of her pieces from art school and has invited people from work to come. Roy shows up with his brother and then talks to Pam as they are leaving.
Roy: It’s cool if I go, right? I mean I looked at all of them.
Pam: Yah, I’ll drive myself home.
Roy: To my place?
Pam: Maybe, I’m a little tired.
Roy: Your art, was the prettiest art, of all the art.

Show: Two and a Half Men (CBS)
Episode: My Damn Stalker (Season 4)
The Setup: Alan has ventured out into the world of online dating. He has embellished his profile just a bit. He meets Beverly, played by guest star Allison Janey (The West Wing), and she tells him of her troubles in finding anyone dateable online. Her string of losers is quite impressive and she starts to think Alan is another one to add to her list.
Alan: Oh, no, no, I’m not gay.
Beverly: Whatever it is, I don’t have the time or the strength to deal with it.
Alan: Beverly wait. Wait. You know my loser brother? I’m him.
Beverly: What?!
Alan: This is Charlie’s house. Ah, after my divorce, I was broke and, and he took me in. And I’m not the chiropractor to the stars. Ah, I mostly handle slip and fall insurance claims.
Beverly: That’s all?
Alan: What do you mean, that’s all?
Beverly: I mean, married, married, gay, parole violation, Alan you’re a catch.
Alan: I am?
Beverly: Come on, you’re single, you’re straight and you’re a genetic male.
Alan: So, I guess the bars not that high.
Beverly: Have you done much online dating? You cleared it with a penis and a job.
Alan: And just to put your mind at ease, I plan on keeping both of them.

Show: How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Episode: Lucky Penny (Season 2)
The Setup: Ted and Robin came across a wedding dress sale where a bunch of women had already started camping out to be the first in line. Lily wants to go get in line, as well.
Lily: We have to camp out.
Ted: Are you serious?
Lily: You don’t understand. This is an amazing sale. I’ve heard about it before but I never knew where it was. (Gasps in) We’ll all have a wedding dress camp out. It’ll be fun.
Barney: I can’t go. I have this thing.
Lily: What thing?
Barney: A penis.

What funny quotes got you laughing this past week on TV? Situation that made you chuckle? Let us know in the comments.

Well, I heard a couple of great lines last week that really made me laugh. So, I thought it was time to get back to posting funny quotes and lines here at TVaholic. During the week of January 21st we had Seth on The O.C. delivering a line like only he can and Mac making a funny reference on Veronica Mars.

Funny Line of the Week

Show: The O.C. (FOX)
Episode: The Ground Hog Day (Season 4)
The Setup: It is Kirsten’s 40th Birthday and the guys are talking about her and the upcoming event after getting in the car on the way to the movies.
Ryan: You don’t think she knows about the party?
Sandy: What? No! Are you kidding me? Nobody plans a surprise party like Sandy Cohen. I could’ve been with the C.I.A.
Seth: (Leaning in from the back seat) I hear their known for their birthday parties.

Another Funny Line

Show: Veronica Mars (The CW)
Episode: Show Me the Monkey (Season 3)
The Setup: Mac has been called to the science building to provide computer tech support. She walks into a lab that has cages strewn about and papers everywhere.
Mac: Wow, this is one trashed lab. All that’s missing is a big hole in the wall shaped like the Hulk.

Did you hear something funny last week?

The Quote of the Week from two weeks ago was a funny House quote from Dr. House himself. Another funny dialogue was delivered on My Name Is Earl and Denny Crane is always good for a good line. These funny quotes were heard on TV during the week of Oct. 29th, 2006. Read on and enjoy!

Funny Quote of the Week

Show: House (FOX)
Episode: Fools for Love (Season 3)
The Setup: House is going through a woman’s locker who he thinks is dating Dr. Wilson. Dr. Cameron is trying to keep the conversation focused on the patient.
Dr. Cameron: Married couple. Same disease. They either got it from each other or in the same place.
Dr. House: Infectious or environmental? What you have to do is check out parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, pryons, radiation, toxins, chemicals or it’s Internet porn related. I’ll check the Internet. You guys cover the rest of the stuff.

Other Funny Dialogue

Show: My Name Is Earl (NBC)
Episode: Made a Lady Think I Was God (Season 2)
The Setup: The topic of brothers and sisters telling each other they love the other one has come up after Earl and Randy were watching an old war movie in which a brother dies in the other one’s arms. They are very uncomfortable with the idea.
Randy: Hey Darnell. You ever tell your sister you love her?
Darnell: I said it once when I thought she was dead. But she was just passed out from low blood sugar. I’m still glad I said it. Now they have her on insulin; who knows when I’ll get another chance.

Show: Boston Legal (ABC)
Episode: Trick or Treat (Season 3)
The Setup: Denny has found out that his girlfriend, Bethany who is a little person, is the daughter of a woman he once dated and almost married. The mother then tells Denny that he may be Bethany may be his daughter. He is talking about it with Alan.
Alan: Is she sure?
Denny: No. Going to have to have a paternity test. Can two full size people have a midget?
Alan: Does Bethany know?
Denny: I don’t know. God, it is one thing to date a dwarf but to have fathered one.
Alan: Denny I bet Bethany does know.
Denny: Why? (Alan gives him a look to indicate that she is standing between them once again.) Ohh Goddd…
Alan: Fraid so.
Denny: (Looking down) Hi honey. (She looks up at him) Whose your daddy?

What funny House quotes or other funny lines made you laugh recently?

The Quote of the Week last week was a funny Boston Legal quote from Denny Crane. Other funny lines were delivered this week as well. They include old friends reuniting on Veronica Mars, a studio tour aside, the wonderment of waffles and a conversation between uncle and nephew. These funny quotes were heard on TV during the week of Oct. 22nd, 2006. Read on and enjoy!

Quote of the Week

Show: Boston Legal (ABC)
Episode: The Verdict (Season 3)
The Setup: Alan and Denny are talking about the women they have been with recently. Denny has been worried about the onset of Alzheimer’s. He calls it Mad Cow. He thinks that it may be affecting other things as well.
Alan: Denny did you?
Denny: Paul asked me to repair relations with her.
Alan: So you had them?
Denny: Cheap, chubby sex in a witness room.
Alan: Ohh!
Denny: Obviously I didn’t satisfy her.
Alan: Denny have you lost your mind? (Denny looks away) What?
Denny: Nothing.
Alan: Denny we’re flamingos. Something going on?
Denny: (Taps his head with remote) Mad Cow. It hasn’t progressed in my brain but there are other symptoms. Be it blood pressure, it affects me.
Alan: It affects you how?
Denny: (Gets up and leans over desk) I think I have mad penis.

Other Funny Quotes

Show: Veronica Mars (The CW)
Episode: Charlie Don’t Surf (Season 3)
The Setup: Guest star Laura San Giacomo, who used to star with Enrico Colantoni on Just Shoot Me, plays Harmony. She wants to hire Enrico’s character Keith to find out if her husband is cheating on her. Her first scene is walking into Keith’s office.
Harmony: Hi. Um, I don’t have an appointment. Do you remember me, by any chance?

Show: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC)
Episode: The Wrap Party (Season 1)
The Setup: Tom’s parents have come to visit him. He is giving them a tour of the studio.
Tom: It began as a burlesque theater, called The Addison. And later I will show you where Gypsy Rose Lee signed her name on the wall backstage.
Tom’s Mom: What, the stripper?
Tom: The Stripper.
Tom’s Mom: Tommy, tell me you don’t go to those places.
Tom: I don’t.
Tom’s Mom: Because coming in here I saw this neighborhood.
Tom: I don’t mom. I like looking at naked women as much as anybody. I just don’t like it to be a crowd experience.
Tom’s Mom: I don’t like this talk.
Tom: I understand. Anyway…

Show: Two and a Half Men (CBS)
Episode: Apologies for the Frivolity (Season 4)
The Setup: Jake is giving his Uncle Charlie some advice about meeting the children of the woman he is dating.
Jake: All right but if they’re boys, just don’t call them little dudes, okay.
Charlie: Why not?
Jake: There’s this guy mom used to date and every time he would see me, he’d call me little dude. He was an idiot.
Charlie: Okay, okay, that’s good stuff. What else you got?
Jake: No lame magic tricks, no head rubbing and please no high fives.
Charlie: Got it.
Jake: And don’t ask, who wants ice cream? Everybody wants ice cream.
Charlie: I understand.
Jake: Even lactose intolerant kids want ice cream.
Charlie: Makes sense.
Jake: But whatever you do, don’t try to pretend your not sleeping with their mom. We’re not stupid.
Charlie: So, if I do this stuff, her kids will like me.
Jake: No.
Charlie: Why not?
Jake: You’re doing their mom.

Show: Heroes (NBC)
Episode: Hiro’s (Season 1)
The Setup: Ando and Hiro got jumped after Hiro used his powers to stop time and cheat a guy at poker in Las Vegas. They are dumped out on the side of the road near a diner. The following is from the subtitles as they were speaking Japanese the whole time.
Hiro: Wow… Good. I’m starving.
Ando: I’m not talking to you.
Hiro: (Walking into the diner): Do you think they have waffles?
Ando: I said I’m not talking to you. I can’t believe I got beat up because of you. I’ve never gotten beaten up before.
Hiro: I got punched too.
Ando: Once. They kept kicking me! My jaw is clicking, did it used to click?
Hiro: Let’s just eat then get the car back, okay?
Ando: This is all your fault, Hiro. All we had to do was stop time, and we would still have our money.
Hiro: My fault? We got beat up because you made us cheat at gambling. Using my powers for personal gain. That’s the Dark Side.
Ando: Not being broke is the Dark Side?
Hiro: (Opening the menu) Oh, waffles!

What funny Boston Legal quotes or other funny lines made you laugh last week?